Excellent track, very reminiscent of System of a Down for me! Just a few pointers in terms of mixing:
- Hihat sounded kinda unnatural with such a harsh pan, also perhaps balance it panning some cymbal right? Just an idea :)
- Because the guitar was playing in the same narrow stereo field as the voice, they interfered with one another. Double tracking guitar hard right and left would be one way to deal with this.
- The strings could sound a bit crisper with a treble heavy EQ or ideally an exciter.
But all in all very good, keep it up :)